The "death bed" saying

Time and time again, I have heard this bit of wisdom, in one form or another:

Nobody lying on his death bed ever wishes he could have spent more time at the office.

I get it, and it's a reasonable point. Yet, when I hear it, something about it always upsets me. I have puzzled over the reasons I feel this, and have come to some conclusions.

First of all, I do agree I likely will not regret time spent away from my office jobs. The subtext of this statement, though, is troubling. Doesn't it suggest I will regret the time I did spend at the office?

Gee, I hope not. I have spent a lot of my life inside offices. Sometimes, I had moments of wonder and pride and accomplishment. At other times, I felt stagnant and unchallenged. There have been wonderful bosses, mediocre bosses, and awful bosses. At various points, I've held roles of management and organizational responsibility. At all times, I was given orders and instructed to follow them. None of this is without its questions, its issues, its problems - and yes, even its sins and painful lessons. But do I really have to regret it all from my death bed, as if it were all some kind of waste, a farce?

I have heard many people say that a job and a career gives them a sense of consistency and belonging, and there are times it has done the same for me. Spouses, companions, kids, and friends can go any which way, while the daily chore of going to the workplace provides a constant. The job experience brings us to see people who can help us learn, understand, and grow in ways which another environment doesn't provide. I cannot see any reason for regret here.

Even if we ignore this subtext, though, and pay attention to only the statement, I still find I can't get totally behind it. Someone might actually have good reasons to consider whether they did spend enough time trying to fill professional commitments, making themselves effective, and rising to their potential. Our occupations take up huge parts of our lives. This blanket statement just doesn't cover it all.

There are certainly many people who neglect their families, friends, and communities for the sake of their jobs, and maybe this saying is designed to shake them up. However, it doesn't apply to everyone, and I sure hope that it won't apply to me. While I may not worry that I did not spend "more" time at the office, I sometimes wonder that I did not spend the "right" time there, leading myself and family to situations better than I ended up having. Yes, there were times I could have worked more effectively, but I did not. There were other times when I should have been home with my family but was working instead. I tried to strike a balance, and did not always get this right. Thankfully, I kept learning, and with luck, got better as I went along.

Moreover, it does not worry me greatly that I may still have some of these questions as I reach the end of my life. My biggest hope is that my reflections on life, now and in those final moments, will not be in the context of regret or the absence of it. Many professional situations helped me to change for the better, often quite unexpectedly, and almost always through the example of special and important people whom I would not have met outside the office. If I have any hopes about my final reflections on my working life, it will be that I look back on these people with gratitude.